Carbs and Carcasses | Safe Families Journey

And today it hit me for the first time.

Next Monday Little J will be gone.
Our first little Safe Families guy will leave
our family to go home to his own.
 And if I'm being brutally honest,
that makes me VERY sad.
Like, I'm sitting here crying
as I write those words.
I want to rush up those stairs 
and wake him up from his nap
 and squeeze him hard
and make sure that he knows he's loved.
And valued.
And treasured.

Okay, I lie. 
I have no desire to wake him up right now.
I need his sweet little self to be sound asleep 
for another hour.
Or four.
I've got stuff to do, folks.
Just keepin' it real.


I knew it would come.
I'm too much of a cry-baby and tender heart-ed fool,
so believe-you-me, 
I've simply been wondering when it would hit.

And today.
It hit.

 You see, 
Little J has weaseled his way into my heart.
{No surprise there. Figured it would happen.}
And now, 
my heart feels 
like a protective Mama's heart 
over this little boy. 
I don't want him to experience heartache any more.
I don't want pain to hurt his sweet little beautiful heart.
I want to walk through the process of helping
him work through his seething anger that pops up every day.
I want to tenderly teach him coping skills and manners.
I'd like to see the day when he doesn't drop the F-bomb.
Heaven help us, that day needs to come soon.



I want to assure him that he is DEEPLY loved by 
His Heavenly Father.
And I want him to KNOW he is loved by us
and that he has brought us 
GREAT measures of joy the past month.

I guess I want to protect him from 
having to walk down
what seems to be 
the inevitable path of hardship and heartache
that might be his story.
I share the last couple of paragraphs reluctantly
because in no way do I want to talk poorly about his mother.
She loves him deeply. 
I know she does.
And yet, the realist in me sees his situation
for what it is; a long, hard, dark road ahead.
Unless significant change happens.

And that's where I cry out to my Heavenly Father
and say,
"God, please intervene.

Give Little J's mama hope and determination and perseverence
to make good choices.
Please protect Little J.
Please help him to somehow remember 
the love he has felt here in our home.
Help him to remember the prayers prayed 
over him, the songs sung over him,
the Bible stories read to him.
Give him courage to make the right choice 
in wrong situations.
Please God, help Little J to find YOU. 
Please."
I guess part of this journey is 
realizing that Little J is not ours forever.
 And yet, 
we have him as a gift for 5 weeks
and God is asking us to 
be intentional about our time
with Little J so that in weeks, months, years and decades
to come, God can gently remind Little J of what he learned
and felt in our care.
This whole Safe Families journey sort of reminds me of the story
 in the Bible of the
five loaves and two fishes
Or was it five fishes and two loaves?
I NEVER GET THAT STORY RIGHT.
{Sorry dad. It's not your fault. You raised me better than this. I know.}

But I see this Safe Families thing
 sort of like the kids that brought their carbs and carcasses to Jesus
when He was surrounded by mass need.
They just held it out and said, 
"Not sure this will help AT ALL, but here's what we have.
Think you can use it? 
If so, it's all yours."

And He worked miracles.
With basically nothing.
He's AMAZING like that.
And so this afternoon, in my Chicago bungalow home, 
I cup my hands together today and say, 
"Lord, we have 5 weeks set aside to help Little J and his mama.
Think you can use that time, 
and our stuff
and our love? 
If so, we're all yours."
This side of eternity I may never know
how Little J's story unfolds.
Whew. Deep breath. 
That sentence made me TERRIBLY sad to write. 

But my prayer is that 
God would work a miracle in J's life.
Because my God is in the business of miracles.
I believe that with every ounce of my being.

And in the meantime,
with our one week left,
we are gonna open up
the love tank and let it
pour over our sweet Little J.

{ If you missed the first two posts about our new Safe Families journey, 
you can read them here and here  }

Comments

Jacinda said…
I'm all teary and supporting you in prayer. May the Lord give you extra GRACE and STRENGTH and PATIENCE and JOY and PEACE this week.
Alysa said…
Thanks sweet Cinda! Appreciating your prayers all the way from Indonesia! Love you and can't wait to see you soon... =)

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