Keepin' It Real

In an effort to keep it real on this blog and not just show the happy, happy, joy, joy times, here's an update. Skip if you don't feel like being depressed.

I wish I was feeling all chipper like this flower, but I'm not. I don't feel sunny. Or yellow. I do, however,feel weathered around the edges.

I'm really not sure what my problem is.

Things are going well. Very well. I'm blessed beyond belief.

Great husband. Great friends. Great kids. Great church. Great family. Great opportunities.

Just came off a great girls getaway weekend. My kids are healthy. I just ordered a dream lens for my camera; pursuing that dream. Re-read the paragraph above. Things are truly going really well.

And yet today I just felt blah. The last few days if truth be told. I've been weary.

You know the weight loss journey I've been on. Ya, that just sucks. I wish I was there already. You know, at that ideal weight where I look good and feel great. But as some wise someone said at some point in my life (it was probably my mom), it took time to put the weight on, so it will take time to take it off. Ya, whatever. So this week, I've wanted to stop trying to lose weight. As in, I've wanted to just give up.

I've wanted to sleep in and sleep all day.

I've wanted to get lost in a good book alone.

I've wanted to be alone. All alone. Which is a bit odd for my extroverted self, but the reality is, I think the older I get, the more I do need alone time to recharge. So maybe I'm not so extroverted after all. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I'm with people (albeit little people) from 6am to 8pm every day. So by 8pm I need quiet. No chaos. Shut the door and leave me alone.

I wander around my house not knowing where to begin because everywhere I look I have things that need to be done. I don't know where to start, which, if you know me at all, really isn't me. I think I feel overwhelmed.

And feeling overwhelmed makes me want to eat or sleep. And traditionally, as in the last umpteen years of my life, I turn to food for comfort. I have been an emotional eater. So, I think that's why the battle this week has been so strong to just quit watching what I eat. My innards don't know what to do because by now they would be getting all sorts of yummy food to help with the sadness or overwhelmedness. {How's that for a new word?}

And so, there you have it. Aren't you glad you clicked on my blog? Do yourself a favor and stop reading now and go get happy. This is just one depressing blob of randomness. So sorry to spew but I figure you'd rather know the 'real' of what's going on over here, rather than the 'oh everything's just fine schpeel' that so often we throw out there to avoid sharing what's really on our minds.

With that, I think I'll go sleep. I'm going to avoid the kitchen. I'm going to avoid the phone. I'm going to pray like crazy that Jackson sleeps all the way through the night so that I can actually sleep more than 4 hours in a row. That kid is killin' me with his terrible sleep abilities. Quit it already. You're 4 and a half.

Okay, that's that. Come back tomorrow and I'll show you a sneak peak of my upstairs room that is complete loveliness and delight. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow night I will do some scrapbooking. That'll go a long way for my mental health! A long way.

So no more complaining for awhile. I'll choose to dwell on the positive. I'll not give up. I'll focus on the blessings in my life which are too many to count. I will choose joy even when I don't feel like it.

Comments

Julie K. said…
I loooooove this post Alysa, it is not depressing at all, but the journey of a heart. You are in a good place. Your perspective is on the right track. And choosing joy even when you don't feel like it - what a discipline!!! Love.

Hang in there girlfriend - you will get over this hump. Promise.
xo
Julie said…
Alysa,

Don't give up your my inspiration! :) Soon as the baby is here. I am going to get rid of my baby bump and I will need some to encourage me on my journey. You are doing great.

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