Happy Square Root Day

Math. Not my favorite. Never has been. And twice, in the last 24 hours I've been thrown, unaware, into the heart of math crap, er, stuff.

This morning, it was a perfectly good Tuesday, and while listening to the radio, the announcer just threw in there, that it was, indeed "Square Root Day." Did you know that only happens NINE times in a century. And did you know that 3x3=9? And that 9 divided by 3 is 3? Like I care, people. Just play the music, would ya? I'm never turning that station on again. Never. I can't handle math at 8:30 in the morning.

And then last night I was helping Maddie do her homework and out came the math worksheet. Let me remind you that she is in FIRST GRADE.

And then I saw it. There it was. The very last question.

And then it happened. Flashbacks of junior high math. Panic set in. Perspiration was beading. I was about to vomit. I was tempted to cheat. You've GOT to be kidding me. There, mixed in with the addition questions was a WORD PROBLEM.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They didn't tell me about this when I signed up to be a parent. OH, and did I mention ----- Maddie is in FIRST GRADE. This absolutely cannot be happening. Wake up from the bad dream. Wake up, Alysa.

So picture this with me. I stopped. Gained my composure {Well, not really}. Leaned in close. And began to ever-so-slowly read the problem out loud. {Simply too hard to do in the head.} And as we came to a new piece of information we put it in the proper spot. And then, about 30 minutes later, we were able to figure out how much more money Chris had than Jane and where Lisa got lost on the train going 30 miles the opposite direction at 110 miles per hour.

I'm officially handing over math homework to Jack. I simply cannot handle that stress in my day. Adding, yes. Subtracting, okay. Word Problems. HECK NO. She'll fail math before I ruin my life starting in on those again. I DID MY TIME. I graduated from high school, college, and graduate school. I am officially delegating first grade math to Jack. Sorry dude. I'll do the spelling, the reading and even the science. But I cannot. No, I will not, do the math.

And, while looking into the camera, holding my head up high, I hereby state that, "America, I am NOT smarter than a first grader! At least when it comes to word problems!"

Comments

becko said…
THAT'S why I teach kindergarten! =)
amywb said…
You crack me up! And, yes, we definitely need to get together. SOON!
Cleary said…
Jeff is the math teacher in our house too - I don't touch it!
Alice said…
There is NO reason for those types of problems. Have you ever used them in real life I ask you? No, you have not. Same goes with algebra and geometry. They are useless. I mean, when you are cooking a roast have you ever needed to stop and figure out what percentage will shrink while you are cooking it? No. You have not. Math = worthless. That's the one equation I know.
Anonymous said…
I actually HAVE used trigonometry in real life in construction/remodeling tasks... tho there have been times I've gotten frustrated and made an educated guess.

When I was studying trig in High School, I was more interested if Jane were HOTT than which direction she was riding on the train.

_Jack
Anonymous said…
i agree w becky...that is why i teach prek. spec ed for that matter!
sara
Mae said…
I guess I didn't realize you had such strong feelings about math when you were in school. I think passing it off to Jack is a great idea.

Also, I agree that a First Grader should not have to do Word Problems. The teacher has to know that the parent will have to help the student, that she won't be able to do it on her own. So why give it to her in the first place!
Jill said…
I hate to tell you this, but wait until third grade when you have to start using division and multiplication in those story problems!!! YIKES!!!!!

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